Remy’s Letter

My love, I never got to fully tell you what you meant to me. You always said that you were the lucky one, that you were so glad to find someone who you could admire. But it was the other way, since the beginning. It was always the other way. I never let you know that because I let my pride get in the way. I wanted to be the strong man that you thought you found. But inside, I was worried that one day you would find out the truth and realize there was an error in your judgement. And that I was perfectly ordinary. No different than any other man out there. I have always thought that I could be everything that you wanted. Being able to keep that promise was my life.

Now that you are gone. I no longer know what I have to work toward. Everything that I have done was for you. Everything that we have sacrificed is now for nothing. I cannot understand why God is punishing me as he is. What did I ever do that was wrong? All I wanted was to provide a safe place for you and I to have a family, in a world that we did not need to worry about the uncertainties of tomorrow. 

Looking into your eyes as your soul left your body was the most treacherous thing in the world. I have watched many people die in my life but never had I felt one as final as yours. What am I to do with what we have accomplished together? Without you to share this with, it is all completely meaningless. I will never experience an ounce of happiness. So maybe that is a suitable punishment for not being able to protect you. 

Every day that goes by moving forward will take on a different shade of black. My only goal in life now is to find out what happened that night. I will make every single sinner pay, every one who played a role that night. I will not rest until justice has been brought upon them for taking away the purest love from this world. I will not let them get away with it. I will make them hurt for what they have done to us.

The world is a much uglier place now that you have left it. I see crows where I used to see doves. I see traitors in everyone. There is no one I can trust anymore. Without your love and your guidance, I am completely at loss with myself. I don’t know who I am without you. I have never learned to be anything else once I met you. You gave my life purpose when all I had was my loneliness. 

My love. I am burying you with my heart. I am sorry that I could not keep my promise in giving you the life that we wanted. But I promise, I will find you in the next life. I will find you and I will remind you of the life that we shared before, and I will make you fall in love with me again, and next time, I will not make the mistakes as I did in this life.